I’ve Lived in Italy For 2 Years, This is What I’ve Learned so Far

It’s been two years since I packed up my whole life and moved to Florence, Italy…and what a wild ride it’s been since then! I’ve gone through a lockdown and various quarantines alone in a foreign country, had to navigate immigration bureaucracy, learned a whole new language, confronted major culture shocks, made multiple job shifts, started a business, made friends and lost friends, started relationships and ended relationships, and moved apartments three times. It’s only been two years and I feel like I’ve done it all!

Whether you’re also considering moving abroad, just curious about life as an expat, or only here to waste 10 minutes, here are a few life lessons I’ve picked up along the way.

Forget about all the “shoulds”

Trust me when I tell you everyone and their mother will have an opinion about what you should be doing. Especially when you choose to move to another country. You should be doing <insert some stereotypical expat job> for work. You should try <insert unwanted dating advice> with your love life. You should really consider <insert comment about moving back home>.

You know what? Respectfully, I don’t care. I just don’t. I think you should do whatever the hell you want with your life regardless of what everyone else thinks. Furthermore, I think you should change your mind about what you’re doing with your life as often as you feel inclined to. At least once a week I’m jolted from my day-to-day autopilot with the thought “WTF am I even doing with my life??” Then I go get some gelato and carry on. Life is simply not that serious:)

It’s perfectly ok to have doubts

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve questioned my decision to move abroad. It’s typically when I’m hysterically crying on the walk home from the immigration office, funny coincidence. Having doubts about your decision is so normal, it’s just like getting cold feet before getting married. It doesn’t mean you aren’t head over heels in love with that person, it just means you’re about to make a big, life-altering decision. The doubts will creep in every once in a while and it’s ok to acknowledge them, feel them, and move forward. I find it helpful to journal when I start questioning my decision…there is seriously an entry in my journal titled “do I even like living in Italy??” Hint: I do.

If the doubts persist and don’t seem to get better no matter how much you acclimate to life abroad, it’s also ok to reevaluate your decision. I think there’s this stigma around trying your hand at life abroad and then coming home. Like somehow you “failed” at living abroad. Which is so silly. If you don’t feel happy and fulfilled, try something else! Maybe that means going home, maybe it means moving to a different city/country, maybe you just need a new throw pillow.

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the stereotypical dolce vita sometimes

There seem to be two camps of expats in Italy: those who are blissfully unaware of the uncomfortable realities of life in Italy, and those who have become insufferably pessimistic because they’ve been put through the wringer of bureaucracy. And I don’t identify with either of those groups. Do I skip down the cobblestone streets every day in a quintessentially Tuscan sundress living my best Eat, Pray, Love life? No. But do I lay in bed all day and complain about how hard it is to make a life for yourself in a country that economically functions like a third-world country? Well, some days. But also no! There’s a balance to be found.

Life as an expat is hard, yes. The hardest thing I’ve ever done. And I let myself feel into that when necessary. At the same time, I love my Sunday morning cappuccino in the piazza while I read my favorite book and Friday night pasta dinners with a glass of Chianti and a friend. There is nothing wrong with feeling frustrated by the very real realities of life in Italy and there’s nothing wrong with enjoying the very things that make this country so beautiful!

The bureaucracy is just part of the adventure

Of all European countries, I’d argue that Italy has some of the worst immigration bureaucracy out there. I’ve lived here for two years and I STILL don’t have the residence permit I’m after. It has taken years, countless trips to immigration, and hiring a lawyer to even begin to move in the right direction. It’s a lot to handle. In the beginning, it used to really get to me. I would feel super worn down by this never-ending cycle of immigration bureaucracy. Until I realized it was one of the largest imaginable wastes of my emotional energy. None of that is in my control, so why get worked up about it?

My journey in learning about manifestation has helped me make more peace with the situation. Now I am more able to sit back and say “everything works out the way it’s intended and what’s meant for me will make its way to me.” I’ve also had to set some boundaries around my involvement in other people’s immigration situations. I often have people DM me asking about the logistics of moving to Italy or friends asking for my help with their documents and I have to lovingly step away. Of course I want to help everyone, but my sanity always comes first so, at this time, I can’t get involved.

Alone is not a bad word

I’ve had friends audibly gasp when I tell them I genuinely enjoy going to dinner alone. I enjoy doing a lot of things alone! I take myself on multiple solo dates a week because I am very content with my own company. Spending time alone does not mean that you are a loner and have no friends. Getting comfortable with your own company is super important for anyone, but especially if you are choosing to live on the other side of the world from your friends and family. But let me add: this does NOT mean that you should become a hermit. Which leads me to my next point…

Friendships take real work

Adult friendships, in normal circumstances, are hard to maintain. Then you add being a foreigner as a variable and it feels very daunting to meet people AND maintain long-lasting friendships. I’ve started joking that I have to make new friends every year because everyone moves away (Florence is a very transient city).

Look, it doesn’t just happen overnight. And it doesn’t happen without real effort. Put yourself out there, meet people, invite someone to get a coffee, DM an internet friend to get drinks in real life. It takes time, patience, and perseverance to build a network that feels fulfilling and you’ll get there eventually, I promise. Until then try not to be too hard on yourself, you're doing your best! Oh, also, it’s a good idea to try to make friends with both locals and other expats if you can!

Say yes to new experiences!

The beauty (and complete horror) of living abroad is that you constantly exist outside of your comfort zone. You have such a unique opportunity to grow as a person by experiencing new things, seeing new places, meeting different people, and expanding your perspective. So say yes to new adventures!

A very dear friend of mine passed away last year and let me just tell you I was so in awe of what a vibrant, full, crazy life she lived. I mean this woman really did it all. It made me realize how much I value living a life that is filled to the brim with adventures and crazy stories. And now any time I’m on the fence about taking a risk and pursuing a new adventure I ask myself what she would do if she were in my situation. She would go for it!

Life abroad is messy and challenging but it absolutely sets my soul on fire. It is both the most terrifying and the most rewarding adventure I’ve ever set out on.

If you too are feeling tossed around by the unpredictability of life abroad, from one expat to another, I’m so proud of you. I am so proud of you for fearlessly pursuing the life path that sets your soul on fire too. You’re doing an awesome job <3

Here’s to the many more years to come…whatever they may look like!

xo, Catalin